2023 in review
Well, there's no way to talk about my 2023 without starting with my dad's death. He spent his last new year's having hot pot with us and then passed in the first week of January. The rest of the year has been completely colored by that.
I wrote the paperwork for my mom, I cried, I went to school. Once they set his grave up we've cleaned it every month. I can't help but keep thinking about the days leading up to his death, and the pain he went through, and asking why it happened. I know that he's okay with whatever I do, but I'm always wondering if how I acted in the past was right and if what I'm doing now is fine.
And later in the year, someone I called my uncle passed away and someone I call my aunt got cancer. In some ways those felt harder to deal with than my dad because I had spent everything in January. My cousin said he saw his dad and my dad sitting on a beach in a dream so I guess they both must be okay.
My hobby stuff falling through is so insignificant compared to the stuff above, but combined with everything else, it felt like the universe telling me to move on. My idol graduated, the franchise I've supported for years betrayed its fans totally, signs that I have to grow and learn to love something else showed up... I started watching tokusatsu again though.
Didn't really do art 'cause I lost all my muses and there were more important things to do, but I picked up writing a little and made this blog and sang a lot. I think I have plans for future projects but let's see if they can win against my laziness.
We spent Thanksgiving with another family who had also lost someone recently and I think it's one of my favorite memories of the year. One of the last things my dad told me was that I'm not alone. There have been so many reminders that I'm not alone and I want to return the love 5 times over.
We visited Indonesia for the first time in 10ish years. It was good and it's crazy seeing all my cousins grown up. I have first cousins once removed now!! Being in Indonesia makes my heart feel torn up though. When I compare them, America is so lonely and Indonesia is so smothering. I need to work hard so my mom can see her family more often at the very least.
This summary looks kinda down overall but I feel okay about the year in retrospect. I'm sad but I'm happy. I survived.
For next year, I want to be kinder! I want to publish something. I want to get a job. I need to stop being serious. Thank you if you thought of me at all and I hope I can pay you back.